


The Sad in Everything

by SecretlyADog



Series: How To Be A Human Being [3]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor is dead inside basically the whole time, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I'm not kidding, Nines also gets irritated quickly, Nines is kind of a little shit, OH I'M CALLING RK900 NINES, Other, Reader is gender neutral, but you'd know that if you read The Other Side of Paradise, go read it right now, he used to be called Caleb and then his crush died, here we go again, oh boy, takes place like two seconds after that one ends, this is a direct sequel, which you should
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-08-11 08:01:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16471826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretlyADog/pseuds/SecretlyADog
Summary: Nines doesn't remember anything since becoming deviant, but everyone seems to know him and what happened to him.He isn't sure what made him want to get his memory erased, but he doesn't really want to find out despite how curious he is. He just wishes he knew why Connor was so sad all the time.And then you show up, and things get weird.





	1. Go Back to the Very Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> HEYO hopefully no POV changes this time, I'm gonna try to stick with Nines till the end! So uhh. This time we've only got --- for time skips, woo!

The first memory Nines has is of an RK200 - or, more accurately,  _ the _ RK200 - gripping his hand and saying “Wake up” quietly to him. He could feel. Think for himself. It only felt right.

He looked up at an RK800, his predecessor, and tilted his head. “You look sad,” he pointed out. The RK800 smiled weakly and produced a coin from his pocket to perform tricks with. Since he was deviant, Nines assumed that it was a nervous habit rather than calibration. 

“I don’t have your names in my memory banks,” he said. “I remember that I am…” For a second, he frowned. It felt like there should’ve been another name there, but his system insisted on a different one. “My name is Nines,” Nines said. “I don’t remember anything else. Was my memory wiped?”

The other two androids gave each other a look. “It was. I’m Connor,” the RK800 said. “This is Markus. He’s the leader of the deviant revolution.”

Nines focused on Markus for a second and memories - not his own, but the ones that Cyberlife would’ve wanted him to have - flowed in. “Right. And… the deviants won,” Nines said, squinting, as the information came in.

Connor nodded. “We’re free.”

Nines tilted his head. “Then why was my memory wiped?”

They glanced at each other yet again. Odd. “You recorded a message for yourself. Maybe that’ll answer your questions,” Connor said slowly, as if talking to a wounded animal. “I’m going to take you home. You wanted to live with me and Lieutenant Anderson- Hank.”

Nines stared at Connor for a moment. “Did I know you?”

Connor flinched a little. “You did. You hunted me for most of your life. But we’re friends now.”

Nines frowned. “I’m sorry. My programming-... Well. You understand.” Connor nodded. Nines thought this over. Why was Connor willing to house him if they’d been enemies? Then again, Connor’s life had been devoted to capturing Markus, hadn’t it? And now they were… friends. Maybe even something like brothers. He could tell from the way they looked at each other.

Connor handed Nines something, some sort of hologram projector, and then inched towards the door with Markus. “I’ll be waiting outside when you’re done watching it,” Connor said, and then they left him all alone in the sterile, white room.

Nines was curious. Very curious. He pushed a button and it hummed to life, showing him a video of himself.

_ “Hello. I’m sure you know who I am. I’m you before your memory was wiped.”  _ Why did he sound so tired? What happened?

_ “I chose to have my memory wiped. There were… things I just couldn’t deal with. I wanted to have a fresh start. That being said…” His mouth trembled for a moment, as if he was holding back a frown. “... Don’t try to remember anything. It’s for the best. You got your memory wiped for a reason. _

_ Connor has offered to house you. He can be trusted. He knows why you got your memory wiped. Do not try to get that information from him. I’ve asked him to ensure that you don’t intentionally try to get your memories back. It’s for the best. Please believe me. _

_ There is… one thing I want you to take away from this.” Nines’s expression grew gravely serious, more serious than before, somehow. “Do not fall in love. It’s in your best interests.” Nines let out a soft sigh. “You can trust Connor, Markus, and even Lieutenant Anderson. They all just want to help you. You can be sure of that.” _

Nines didn’t understand. What happened?

_ A voice that wasn’t his but was similar enough came through. Connor’s. A name was said; not Nines, but… it wasn’t intelligible. “Are you ready?” _

_ The old Nines glanced back, sighed, and then nodded. “One moment.” A door clicked shut softly in the background. Nines turned his attention back to the camera. “Remember what I’ve told you. It’s very important. I hope… you do better than I did.”  _ The hologram cut out. The message was over.

Nines was still confused, but perhaps less so. Maybe it really WAS for the best to not try to remember. His old self seemed adamant about that, even if the curiosity and desire to know more was burning within him.

Connor was patiently waiting for Nines outside the room they were in, but Markus was nowhere to be found. Nines’s casual glance-around for him didn’t go unnoticed. “Markus went home. We’re going home too,” Connor said, once again sounding like he was talking to an animal. Nines wondered why he was treating him like that. Had… something that bad happened?

“To Lieutenant Anderson’s house?” Nines asked instead of asking about what he really wanted to know.

“Yes. Hank is expecting us.”

Nines tilted his head. “Expecting me? Do I know Lieutenant Anderson?”

“He knew-" Connor cut himself off and froze. “... Ah, well, he knew  _ of _ you.” Connor cleared his throat nervously and sighed in a bereft way. “It doesn’t matter how,” he continued, and he sounded so… forlorn. What was it that had happened to make him so sad? Nines wished he knew how to comfort him.

“I was told he could be trusted. I must've known him well,” Nines decided. Connor eyed him in what looked like confusion.

“Perhaps you did. I wouldn't know,” Connor said dismissively.

Something about that didn’t sit right with Nines, and he shifted his posture almost nervously. “What happened to me? Why don’t you know?”

Connor eyed him, apparently thinking over what to say. “... I was not at the DPD when you were. I was already deviant. You were sent to replace me.”

Nines nodded slowly. That made sense. “They wouldn’t have let me be alone, right? I had a human partner, didn’t I?”

Connor stiffened and his gaze shifted away, like he couldn’t look at Nines. Nines wasn’t sure why. After a long period of silence, Connor finally answered. “You did.”

“... Was it Lieutenant Anderson? That would only make sense, considering he no longer had a partner.”

Connor thought about this for a second and then nodded. He still wouldn’t look at Nines. Why did Connor look so… sad?

“That must be why I said he could be trusted in my video message,” Nines realized. “So then… how did I deviate the first time?”

Connor cleared his throat and finally looked up at Nines. “You decided to save your human partner from harm instead of completing the mission. His life was more important than Cyberlife’s will. Then we got to you.”

Connor’s voice sounded odd, as if he was lying, but his lie detector program didn’t sense a lie. Nines found it strange.

“... I see.” Nines could let it go. He had to trust Connor, he’d said so himself. Connor was… all he had. Why did that thought make him so sad?  _ Why was everyone sad? _

“You can ask me questions all night when we get home,” Connor said, and led Nines out of the building and towards… “home”.

\---


	2. Stop and Think a Minute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things happen. You show up. Nines banters a lot. Everything is great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I am SO SORRY that it took me this long to update this - I for some reason didn't find a good cutoff point for this chapter until I was seven pages in on Google Docs, damn.  
> ANYWAY here it is! This thing isn't dead after all! And it will be finished eventually, mark my words

It took a bit, but androids were granted their freedom and Nines and Connor went back to the DPD. Connor, of course, got his old partner back. Nines, for the moment, was alone.

Of course, after the revolution, androids being free took some getting used to. There were those assholes who still abused them, but now, at least, they could fight back. Did they, though? Of course not.

But that only put them in a better standing with the public.

 _‘Poor androids!’_ they cried. _‘Why can’t you just leave them alone?!’_

“Would’ve liked to see that when people were abusing their androids,” Connor had muttered under his breath once, and Nines couldn’t help but agree.

Even though androids were free and deviancy was the norm, there were still those who fought for deviants - and not the androids themselves, no, actual _humans._ Nines had once bitterly compared it to PETA; “like that one animal group, but not terrible. And you don’t even have to change the acronym” He’d actually gotten a dark chuckle from Connor at that. Connor didn’t smile much, he never had, but maybe… maybe there was a time when smiles came easily to him. At least, maybe there was a time when he didn’t look so… _lost._

Unfortunately, members of “PETA but not terrible and for androids” broke the law all the time retaliating against those who _also_ broke the law but did it to hurt androids. It was an exhausting game of tug of war, and it was impossible to find anyone at the station who wouldn’t sigh heavily at another one of such cases popping up.

This time, it was a stabbing - someone who’d been notorious for kidnapping androids had been left bleeding out in the street. That's where they found you, staring at the body with conflicting emotions in your eyes. Nines had arrested you immediately when he caught sight of the literal blood on your hands.

He'd taken you in for questioning while Connor and others looked around for evidence. “Did you know the victim?” Nines had started.

You'd crossed your arms defiantly. “You're not gonna ask me if I did it?”

Nines blinked, slightly taken aback. This… had never happened in his short career. He was getting to that question, but... “... Did you?”

“No.” The answer was short and clear - Nines was almost surprised to find that you weren't lying.

“Why were you at the scene of the crime with your hands covered in the victim's blood?”

You looked down. “Next question.”

Frustration flared in Nines's chest. “This isn't a classroom, you can't just skip questions.”

You shrugged. “I don't want to answer that one.”

Nines let out an irritated exhale. “If you want to leave this police station any time soon, I suggest you answer _all_ of my questions.”

You remained silent. Nines sighed and turned toward the one-way mirror in irritation. “I’m done. For now,” he snapped, and left the room.

Evidently, Connor was back already because he was doing his signature head-tilt as Nines entered the room on the other side of the mirror. “Why did you give up so quickly?”

“I wanted time to calm down.” Nines glared at you through the glass as you sat there, looking almost bored. “Letting my emotions get the best of me is not how a good detective operates.”

Chris Miller was opening his mouth to say something, perhaps about how Nines had _clearly already let his emotions get the best of him,_ but Connor elbowed him and shook his head.

“Nines, maybe you should take a break,” Connor said gently. “You haven't taken a break since you came back to the DPD. It would be good for your morale.”

Nines wasn't sure what made everyone at the station baby him. If he asked something of Captain Fowler, he'd start forming a rant leading to a “no” judging by the stern expression on his face, but once he studied Nines’ face he'd soften, his own face taking on a more pitiful expression, and give him a conditional yes. Nines knew the same would happen if he asked for a vacation, but he didn’t really need one, did he?

His brother, on the other hand, looked like he was in need of one. Whatever had brought him down that he refused to tell Nines about, he could tell it was like a weight on his shoulders - especially when he was just sitting around the DPD, doing paperwork. Something was off and Nines wasn’t sure what it was. All he could do was try to bring his mood up.

“I'll only take a break if you do,” Nines said firmly. Connor looked tired for a split second before he straightened and raised an eyebrow at Nines.

“Why, do you want me to come with you?” Connor sounded incredulous.

“You're my brother,” Nines insisted, “and it's hard on everyone to watch you be so… _down_. I don’t know why you are, but I think a vacation would be good for you.”

Connor stared at him for a moment. “... Alright, fine.” His sigh sounded… exhausted. And sad.

“We will ask for it after this case is closed. Okay?” Nines wasn’t exactly giving Connor a choice.

Connor nodded, eyes downcast. He wished he could ask what it was that made him so upset all the time, but he had a feeling it had something to do with his own past. Nines wasn’t supposed to know about that.

“We have to deal with that first,” Connor pointed out, gesturing toward the nearly empty interrogation room. Nines sighed.

“Fine. I’ll try again. I shouldn’t have gotten irritated so quickly. Besides, pushing them just made them push back harder. I need to take a smarter approach.” Connor glanced at Nines thoughtfully and nodded once, pride shining in his eyes. It almost made Nines smile.

Nines returned to you and you inspected him. “Back so soon?”

He glanced away, unable to meet your gaze. Why did he feel so ashamed? “I admit I should not have let my emotions get the better of me. I’m not used to being deviant yet. I will try harder.”

Your almost mocking gaze softened at his words. A deviant lover, huh? If you hadn’t killed him, then why were you at the crime scene? “I understand. I… think. You’re doing good.”

You were softer towards him now. Those who liked deviants were easily persuaded if Nines told them that he wasn’t used to deviancy yet. Nines stored that information away for later.

“Thank you. ...Why were you at the crime scene? Why were you so close to the victim’s body?”

You looked away and your stress rose slightly. Nines should be keeping better track of that. “I saw him… it… on my way home. I didn’t know he was dead at first. I tried to wake him up and that was when I knew. Then you guys showed up.”

Nines frowned. “You seemed to know the victim. Did you?”

You frowned and your stress rose again. “No.” That time it was a lie. A blatant one, too. His sensors nearly picked it up immediately.

“If you don’t tell the truth, I can’t let you leave. We need every bit of information that we can get to solve this case.” Nines tried to say it softly. He didn’t want you to get defensive again.

“I don't want to talk about it,” you insisted, less defensive now, but you still pursed your lips stubbornly. Nines wondered what it was that made your stress levels rise, made you shut down like that. What was the connection between you and that man? Clearly you had unresolved issues with him, something that bothered you so badly you didn't want to remember it. You had something to forget. Nines knew how that felt.

… Or at least, he thought he did. Or he had, once. The only difference was that he'd been able to truly forget; nothing but distant pangs of crushing sadness was left. Then again… was that _truly_ forgetting?

“I had something that I needed to forget once too,” Nines started gently, hoping to coax your empathy back to the surface. “I guess the only difference between you and me is that I could get my memory wiped. But I still feel… something.” Nines glanced down at his hands, which were resting on the table. “Sad. I'm still sad.” He glanced up at you through his eyelashes.

Nines was almost startled by the empathy radiating from your expression. This was working a bit too well. “That's very human of you,” you pointed out, and Nines nearly laughed. Getting your memory wiped wasn't very human.

“... If I needed to remember whatever it was that made me so upset that I felt the need to get my memory wiped for a case, I'd do it in a heartbeat. This is my job, it's the only thing I know that I'm good at.” Where had that come from? It was true, but he hadn't realized he'd harbored something that… looked so much like an insecurity. You'd noticed it too, judging by the look on your face. “This is the only thing I like doing, besides hanging out with my brother.” Bringing familial bonds into this would surely move things along. Humans were all about family. “I need to know what you know, and then I can let you go and I'll never have to bother you about this again and you can do your best to forget about it.”

You blinked at him and looked away. Your hands balled into fists. “I'm sorry, I can't,” you said through gritted teeth, although you didn't sound defensive, you sounded… pained.

Nines sighed. “They'll have to keep you here. We need to know everything.” He paused for a second, but then added genuinely “I'm sorry.” Nines stood then and walked to the door, his synthetic skin peeling away to open it.

Nines closed his eyes and sighed after watching the other officers take you away from the other side again. Chris had gone but Connor was still there, waiting for him. When Nines closed his eyes, he could've sworn an image flashed in the darkness; Connor aiming a gun toward him with horror flashing in his brown eyes. Nines let his eyes snap open, banishing the vision. He wondered if that was a memory and found himself dreading the answer.

“Nines,” Connor said softly. Nines let his eyes snap to Connor's. “You did good in there. None of us could've done better.”

“I know,” Nines said with a slight smirk, but it was only to make Connor smile. His heart wasn't in it. He should've been able to do more. He should've got a confession, whatever it may have been.

Connor's expression warmed with amusement and one corner of his lips turned upwards slightly. Mission success. “Well, we have to do the paperwork for this. I left Hank back at his desk but what do you want to bet that he's ignoring it and playing that old game again?”

“Minesweeper?” Nines guessed, his smile growing wider and more genuine.

“I was thinking Space Cadet Pinball, but that works too.” Connor, in turn, was smiling wider. They knew Hank a little too well. Those were both games he played frequently when nobody was looking, or sometimes even when somebody _was_ looking with a “fuck you”.

“Who knows? Maybe both. At the same time.” Nines was blessed with a full-on Connor smile. He'd made his brother happy. That was all he wanted. Connor deserved to be more happy. No one could stand to see him moping around the station like a kicked puppy.

“That’d be highly illogical… and something I’d like to see,” Connor said, amusement buzzing around the edges of his voice.

The two RK units made their way to Hank Anderson’s desk and Nines gave a casual glance back to his own old desk. He’d since been moved next to Connor and Hank for which he was grateful; his old desk was all the way across the room. He’d been told it was an old detective’s desk and both Connor and Hank seemed adamant on moving him closer to them instead of staying there when Nines returned to his job after the revolution. It happened quietly, with someone being moved to that desk without any complaint and Nines moving to theirs. He wasn’t sure why it needed to happen at all besides being closer to his only friends, but like most things, he assumed it had to do with his past. The first time he’d glanced at his old desk, his memories had provided him with the vision of someone sitting at it and crying while he reached out to comfort them. He’d mentioned it to Connor but Connor hadn’t known what it was about since he hadn’t been there at the time.

“What are you playing this time, Hank?” Nines said jokingly, and Hank gave him a grumpy glare.

“Actually, I’m doing paperwork, you asshole,” Hank grumbled, turning back to his computer.

“Amazing,” Connor said, and while it didn’t sound very sarcastic, Hank and Nines knew him well enough to hear the subtle dip in his tone.

“This is why I don’t like being around both of you at the same time. You always gang up on me,” Hank snapped. His tone lacked any actual venom, though. Nines grinned.

“We just want what’s best for you, Hank,” Nines said with an overwhelmingly fake saccharine tone.

“Fuck you. If you wanted what was best for me, you would’ve let me sleep in this morning.”

Connor sighed, squaring his shoulders in a way that suggested he was about to actually lecture Hank and ruin the lighthearted mood, so Nines butted in with a quick retort. “Yes, _we’re_ the bad guys because we woke you up to earn money instead of sleeping all day. Don’t let me catch you awake any later than ten tonight, Lieutenant,” Nines threatened. Connor shot Nines a grateful look. Of the two, Nines was more well-equipped to deal with Anderson’s shit - Connor had known him for longer, but Nines was surprisingly less serious.

Hank let out a long-suffering sigh and shook his head. “Shouldn’t have said anything,” he muttered to himself, and Nines grinned in victory.

“In any case, you’re actually doing something for once, Hank, so how much have you done?” Connor asked. He was good at getting Nines and Hank out of fake arguments and back on track.

“I think I put you two to shame. I’m done with most of it.”

Connor’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch and Nines tilted his head. “How’d you accomplish that?”

“I thought about this asshole lecturing me about it,” Hank said, pointing his thumb toward Connor without even looking at him. Nines didn’t miss the fond edge to his voice.

Connor nodded. “Well, I’m glad I could motivate you, even if it was in a… less than preferable way.”

“Yeah, yeah… What happened with the case, anyway? That person you were interrogating?” Hank raised an eyebrow at Nines and Nines glanced away like a guilty child.

“Nines did his best. I’d say this suspect is perhaps almost as stubborn as you, lieutenant.” Connor saved him. Nines would have to find adequate words to thank him with later.

“Did you get anything out of ‘em?”

“They didn’t do it,” Nines said, looking back at Hank with a shrug. “That’s… about it.”

Hank let out an indifferent grunt. “Then why are they still here?”

“They know something,” Nines insisted. “I know they do. I just have to get them to open up to me.”

“Try becoming their friend.” Hank paused for a second and side-eyed Nines. “I wouldn’t do it myself, but you need better friends than us anyway.”

Nines tilted his head. “Isn’t that a bit… mean?”

“Not if you actually want to be their friend.”

Nines opened his mouth to say he didn’t, not really, but you had him curious. Plus, Hank was right; having a father figure and his brother as his only friends was kind of pathetic, even by deviant android standards. “... I could try, I suppose.”

The furrow in Connor’s brow suggested he didn’t agree with this, but he said nothing.

“They’re in a cell right now, right? Go get ‘em, tiger,” Hank said distractedly, still typing away at something on the computer. Nines admitted to himself that it was a great idea. Approaching you when he didn’t seem to have an ulterior motive? Probably his best bet.

“Be careful, Nines,” Connor called worriedly to Nines’ back as he walked away. He was tempted to respond with “thanks, _Mom_ ” but he had bigger and better things to do.

\---


	3. Your Head is So Numb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nines talks about his feelings a lil bit! But then he gets scared and runs away again. Progress was made regardless.

“What do you want?” you said from inside your cell as Nines strolled up, almost hostile but not quite. Nines tilted his head at you.

“Why don’t you want to talk about the victim?” Nines asked softly. “This is off the record - I’m just curious.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Why do you care?”

Nines rubbed the upper part of his left arm nervously. “Like I told you, I had something I wanted to forget too.” He glanced over his shoulder as if he could see the desks from where he was. “I used to use a dead detective’s desk. My… well, my brother and his father figure insisted that I move next to theirs. I think… that person had something to do with my past.” Why he didn’t feel comfortable calling Hank his father figure out loud, he wasn’t sure. Perhaps he felt that Hank wouldn’t like that. He wasn’t sure, but Connor had come first and he wouldn’t butt in between them like a jealous middle child. He wanted his brother to be happy.

It was your turn to tilt your head. “Maybe they were your partner?”

“I don’t want to remember,” Nines snapped, alarm flaring through him as a memory flickered to the surface for a moment; Fowler assigning him to a different officer than Hank, someone by the name of... Nines shook his head and tried to shut it out. “I got my memory wiped for a reason.”

You frowned. “So you want me to talk about what I know but you don’t want to talk about your past?”

Nines leveled an icy glare at you that made you shift backwards slightly. It was subtle, but Nines was delighted that he’d been able to intimidate you. Nines liked being intimidating. “I’m not a suspect in a murder case.”

“I told you I didn’t do it!”

“And I believe you. But you know something.” Nines sighed and put a hand to his forehead. “But that’s not why I came over here.” It had occurred to him that you seemed to be a bit sad. Your sadness almost mirrored his own. “I… are you okay? You seem… sad.” Nines tried analyzing you again but got the same information he got last time.

You glanced away guiltily. “I did know who got stabbed.” Surprise and excitement sparked in his system, like a bloodhound who’d caught on to a scent trail. “But I… I’d really rather not talk about it.”

Nines stared at you for a moment. What was it that made you afraid to say anything? What was it  _ really? _

“... Okay,” Nines allowed. Then he sat down beside your cell, leaning against the wall so that he was facing away from you. “Then let’s talk about something else. You seem to like deviants. Why’s that?” Sitting with his back against the wall was a terrible idea. He couldn’t study your facial expressions anymore.

“I still feel like you’re interrogating me,” you grumbled, sounding like you were sitting down yourself now. Nines shrugged and waited. This information wasn’t necessary to the investigation, at this point he was truly asking because he was curious.

“... No reason, really,” you finally said. “It’s just… obvious that you guys are sentient. And why should any sentient being be forced into slavery?”

Nines finally let out a chuckle, one side of his mouth turning up into an amused smirk. “Just like PETA,” he noted, fondly recalling many conversations with Connor.

“What?” You sounded… very confused.

“People for the Ethical Treatment of Androids,” Nines explained. “My brother and I joke about it all the time.”

You sat silently for a minute… and then let out a breath that sounded like a laugh. “Alright. Fair enough.”

Nines smiled, but it faltered as you spoke up again. “Is your brother that deviant hunter that Cyberlife sent to the DPD?”

Nines paused, then looked over his shoulder at you. You were much closer than he thought you’d be, even separated by plexiglass. “He was. Now he’s deviant, just like I am. I was supposed to replace him.”

You blinked at Nines. “Were you not ready then?”

“Connor was doing fine on his own; why would they need to replace him if he was doing good?” Nines said defensively, tilting his chin up and then looking away again. “He was doing fine. He found Jericho, that was a big break for his mission. He just happened to turn deviant in the middle of it.” Suddenly, Nines blinked. Why did he get the feeling that that was incorrect? What the hell just happened?

He winced as static fuzzed through his mind and caused a headache. Something… something was wrong. He was remembering something incorrectly. What… what was it? Connor… deviated before he found Jericho. Right, because of his girlfriend. Why had he remembered that incorrectly? Was… was that even his own memory at all? Had someone given him false memories? Maybe to protect him? Connor was the only one who’d shown him what happened, so why…?

Nines cleared his throat. “Connor is just as capable as I am. He didn’t need a replacement.” Well, disregarding the whole “superior model” thing, but Nines was willing to ignore that.

You hummed thoughtfully. “You’re really protective of him,” you commented.

“Of course,” Nines huffed. “Him and Hank are all I have.”

You said nothing at that, presumably thinking. After a bit, you spoke up again. “You don’t have any friends?”

“Don’t remind me,” Nines scoffed. “Hank bothers me about making friends every other day.”

He could hear a smile in your voice when you spoke. “Well, he’s right.” In response, Nines rolled his eyes. He didn’t need friends. ...Did he?

“Well. I don’t know how to make friends,” Nines sighed.

“It isn’t too hard. You just have to find someone with common interests.” This was odd. Now you were giving him advice on how to make friends. “Or if you don’t have common interests, listen to theirs and have them listen to yours. Care about what they have to say.”

Nines was about to say something when he remembered what Connor’s girlfriend had once said to him with an eye roll after Nines tried being nice to a guy at the store once.  _ “Do all RK units flirt without meaning to or are you guys just that dense?” _ It had been playful, had made Nines grin and blush a little. He wasn’t trying to flirt, he just didn’t know what flirting was. Neither did Connor, if her tone had anything to say about it. This time, Nines stopped himself before he said anything. He was  _ going _ to say that he cared about what YOU had to say, but he realized how that’d come across. He was interested, definitely, but not in a… flirty way. Nines needed to find out what information you knew. Then you could go home. Didn’t you understand that? Why did you choose to say nothing? Why did you choose to stay?

“I care about what Connor has to say,” Nines said instead.

“Of course you do, he's your brother. But you gotta be like that with an acquaintance. Like, here - tell me about something you’re interested in. Not your job. Something you actually like doing or watching.”

Nines hesitated. What  _ did _ he like? He liked sparring with Connor, enjoyed the focused look in the RK800’s eyes that never failed to replace the sadness that lingered. He liked joking around, making people laugh. He liked… “Seeing Connor be anything but sad,” Nines said softly. He hadn’t meant to say it, but it was the truth. He practically strived to make it so every single day. “Connor is sad often. I’m not sure why, but… I just want him to be okay. So I joke around or I annoy him. Anything to make the sadness go away.” Nines nearly instantly realized that he’d overshared, that this couldn’t be entertaining for a stranger and that it was something extremely personal to him. He had a fleeting hope that you hadn’t heard him or hadn’t understood, but you were deathly quiet. He was afraid to look at you.

“... Why don’t you ask him why he’s sad?” Shit. He couldn’t play it off.

“I asked him when I woke up, the first day that I was deviant,” Nines admitted. “I woke up and told him he looked sad. Later, I asked him why. He didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t tell me.” Nines frowned. He felt kind of uncomfortable sharing this, but you were listening. And you weren’t judging.

You were quiet again. The longer you were quiet, the more stressed out Nines got.

“It must have something to do with your past,” you said thoughtfully.

Nines stiffened. “That’s the issue. I want to know why he’s sad, but not if… not if it brings back my own memories. If it was  _ that bad _ … but then why didn’t he wipe  _ his _ memories? Was it so he wouldn’t forget everything? Or because he has someone who can comfort him?” Nines felt his stress level rise. His emotions were shifting into hysterics. “I need comfort too, but I… I can’t take it from him, not when he’s suffering too- I’m just so  _ scared, _ ” he admitted, and then he stopped breathing. He had to regain control of his emotions. He couldn’t let himself get worked up over something he didn’t even remember. That would only lead to what Nines has come to think of as the worst case scenario.

“Are you okay?” you asked softly after a moment.

Nines waited until he was certain his voice would be steady, and then he let out the air he’d been holding in his faux lungs. “Yes. I’m fine.” He knew his LED was yellow, knew it had been red seconds ago. Nines - and even Connor, on occasion - wore their LEDs to work. Their human coworkers didn’t know the difference between them thinking deeply about something and them filing reports, since they tended to do both with their eyes closed. With their LEDs in, at least their coworkers wouldn’t bother them when they were filing reports. A circling yellow LED meant to stay away, and blue or even a solid yellow color meant that they likely wouldn’t appreciate being bothered but you could, if necessary. Nines was regretting having it in at this very moment in time.

You let out a soft sigh and shifted closer to him, by the sound of it. He was still refusing to look at you. “It… sounds like you have a lot of emotions that you don’t know how to deal with.” Nines said nothing, he just listened. “... You know, humans have that problem too. It’s not just because… y’know… you’re an android.” He wasn’t sure if he should feel comforted by that or not. “If… if you remember what it is that’s making you both so sad, you can heal together. You can even get a therapist.”

“No,” Nines said forcefully and hated how his voice wavered. “I don’t want to remember. I recorded a message for myself before I got my memory wiped and I sounded so  _ sad. _ I don’t want to feel that.”

“... But you feel sad for no reason now. You’re still sad, just… not  _ as _ sad. And you don’t even know why.”

Nines stood then, and still he didn’t look at you. He didn’t want to remember. He didn’t care how illogical it was. That was the best part of being deviant; he didn’t have to be logical anymore. “Connor has done his best to make sure I don’t remember. I trust him. If he thought I should remember, he would’ve told me what happened.”

And then Nines walked away.  _ ‘What an emotional response,’  _ he thought, a twinge of pride in his chest despite the circumstances. He’d talk to you later. He wasn’t up to it right now.

\---


	4. UPDATE (to be deleted)

I would love to finish this but I'm more interested in exploring some different ships instead. The story and plot will change and it'll be... overall different. I'm wondering how many people want me to continue this anyway. Leave a comment if you do, and if you don't mind me changing things up a bit then I can get this story going again~


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